« 外のお仕事とアフタヌーンティー | Main | 秋の終わりのご報告 »

October 23, 2008

泣いたり笑ったりで、秋も深まっていきます。

ブログもひと月以上ご無沙汰してしまいました。

アトリエでは、相変わらず、パンは美味しく焼けています。

これはポビーシードベーグル、きれいな三つ輪です。ベーグルサンドにいいかな、と。

かなり厚みのあるサンドイッチになるので、お口を大きく開けなくてはならず、彼氏の前では食べられないかも。

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そうして、またアップルパイの季節ですね。カフェでも毎年人気です。お教室では熱々アップルパイにハーゲンダッツのバニラアイスを添えていただきます。

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アップルパイといえば、これは生徒さんのSさんが、ドイツ風アップルパイのアプフェルシュトルーデルの生地を薄く薄くキャンバス地に上手にのぼして、パン粉をふるっているところ。これからこの上にどっさりりんごをのせるのですが、なぜかこの場面だけ写真をとりました。完成品もとればよかった。

でも、この秋、やっぱりパン屋さんは今ひとつかなあ。いや、今ふたつかなあ。どこのパン屋さん、ケーキ屋さんも苦戦の秋だと思います。新聞を見ても、毎日、節約の記事ばかり。値上げ、値上げで、そうして不況が長引くのでしょうか。主婦になって20年あまり、こんなことは初めて。パンが贅沢品になるなんてこともかってなかったですね。

メラミン入りのミルクや乾燥卵を使えば、パンやケーキのコストは下げられるけれど、やっぱりそんなものは作りたくもないし、食べたくもない。でも、原材料はすべて大幅値上げ、今まで通りの質の商品を提供するにはやはり値上げしかなくて、本当に心苦しかったのですが、ひとつ10円~20円の値上げでも、『パン離れ』のニュースがすぐさまテレビをにぎわし、夏が終わって、秋になって、景気減速がはっきりして、株価も下がって、本当に外食産業も小売店も厳しいんだろうなあ。うちのアトリエも今までずっと順調にきていたのですが、この風潮から逃がれることはやっぱりできず、苦境に立っているかな。でも、借金があるわけでなし、今までも自分達が食べたい納得できる美味しいものを、気ままに作ってきたわけで、続けられる範囲で、楽しくやっていければいいかな、と思っています。

いろいろと人生を思う秋でもあるわけですよ、私は。

なんだかプライベートではやっぱり大変でしたね。うちの3姉妹、みなストレスでやせたり、微熱出したり、むくんだりしています。これが20代の3姉妹だったら、なんだか苦労していて影がある、って感じで素敵かもしれませんが、40代以上になるとただただやつれた感じでしょうか。

今日は母が中野の病院から緑の多い所沢の病院に無事転院しました。お気に入りとなったホームには結局3週間しかいられませんでした。病院に戻ってから、高熱を出したり、点滴にずっとつながれたり。3週間も点滴だけで何も食べられず、一時は本当にどうなるのかと思いましたよ。継続的に医療行為が必要だとはっきりしたので、泣く泣くホームは解約しました。さて、それからが大変。点滴がとれたら、普通の病院は転院をせまってきます。生徒さんたちの口コミが決め手で、所沢の長期療養病院にベッドが見つかってラッキーでした。ホテルのような外観のきれいな病院です。主治医の女医さんや婦長さんの言葉がいろいろ心に染みて、私は今日涙がぽろぽろ。婦長さんが(正式には師長さんですね)、すぐにホットタオルを手渡してくださって、そのお心遣いにまた泣きました。再入院してから、一日二交替で、妹たちと病院に通っていて、私は仕事が忙しくて、週に2~3度しか行けなくて、ふたりの妹達には申し訳なかったのですが、お休みが週に一度しかない私なので、休養日がまったくなくなってしまい、疲れもピーク。ホットタオルの温かさにウルウルでした。中野の病院では、納得のいく病状説明とかほとんど受ける事がなくて、回診の時に家族がいても、主治医は目も合わせてくれずに、数分でそそくさと立ち去る、という感じだったかな。正式に病名を聞いたのだって、呼び止めたら、立ち話で、その場で宣告されただけ。検査の結果も何もまったく報告なしでした。ありえない。いろいろありえないことが多くて、女性ケースワーカーのひどさにももう怒り心頭。婦長さんも最後まで一体どなたなのか、見たこともなかったなあ。

それでも、2度目の入院の時の看護婦さん達は皆さんとてもよくしてくださって、男性ケースワーカーさんも親切にしてくださって、今日のお昼は皆さん見送ってくださって、母も泣いていました。ワゴン車に寝台のまま乗り込んで、補助椅子にすわって妹と付き添って、車が郊外に向かって走っていきます。やっぱり胸にいろいろ響きますね。

転院先のケースワーカーさんの温かいお迎え、てきぱきした女医さんのお言葉、やさしい婦長さんの励まし、家族には本当にありがたかったです。ここで母は最期なのかな、と予想していますが、残された日々はどのくらいなのでしょうか。このパン屋さん不況ももしかして、天が私に時間の余裕を与えてくれたのかもしれない、と思ったりもします。急に寝たきりになって、本人の辛さもいかばかり、と思うのですが、そのわがまま女帝ぶりにたまに辟易することも。でも、42歳という若さで未亡人になってから、ずっと私たち3姉妹を支えてきてくれた母は、いつだって私たちの自慢の「きれいなママ」です。できるだけそばにいてあげたいと思います。

でも、お仕事はお仕事、がんばります~。

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よく写らなかったけれど、調布のたつくり会館の電光掲示板です。

『ベーグルカフェにようこそ』って、かっこいいネーミングの講習ですね。

デスパレードな妻たちをシーズン3まで見終わって、今私は

グレイス・アナトミー と ブラザース&シスターズをひたすら見ています。たやすくトリップできるので、外国ドラマのDVDは今の私には貴重。でも、見続けるとドライアイになるのよね。

そうでした、今日は母の転院で一日が終わりましたが、一緒に行ってくれたマスターにも感謝。

それから、今朝息子が就職を決めた、と報告してきました。やれやれ。春からなんて、長いこと『自分探し』をしていたんでしょう。まあいろいろ思うようにいかなかったのでしょうか、エントリーの途中でやめたり、内定をけったり。そのくせ、夏休みは存分に旅行を何回も楽しみ、ライブだの飲み会だの、朝帰りも頻繁。昔でいう『モラトリアム』っぽいタイプなので、先延ばしが好きなのよね、ほんと。でも、母親としては、けっこういろいろ心の中で葛藤しましたよ。(なぜに私に似ていないのか、とか。どこで子育て間違えたのか、とか。)夏の始めに母のことで、それどころじゃなくなって、助かったくらい。

娘もすでに就職活動を始めて、スーツ姿で出かけていきます。よかった、息子が先に決まって。娘にはさっさと来春早々決めてもらって、私が子育て終了を高々と宣言できる日が一日でも早く来ることを夢見ています。肩の荷はひとつでも早く下ろしたいですものね。

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Comments

お母さま転院されたのですね。治療しつつも・・となると病院探しも大変かと思うのですが、見つかってよかったですね。息子さんの就職決定おめでとうございます。先生の子育てもあと一息!自分の親のことと子供のことで女性の40代~50代って本当に大変なんだと実感です。まぁ、それもこれも含めて人生ってことでしょうか・・・・。小さな楽しみをみつけて頑張っていきたいです!これから寒さも厳しくなるので、お身体にはくれぐれも気をつけてください。この間yaeちゃんが大阪来てくれて久しぶりに会いました。次は先生にも会いに行かなくちゃ。

Posted by: pita | October 23, 2008 10:02 AM

息子さんの就職おめでとうございます!三つ編みベーグルにアップルパイおいしそうです!私は山形食パン作りに一生懸命になっています。パンの先生の所で焼いたのはぷっくり山形になったのに家でこねるとなかなか気持ちよく膨らみません。半分ホームベーカリーでこねてもらうとまあまあの仕上がりです。いい病院がみつかって本当に良かったですね。医療関係の方々の言葉って本当に大事ですよね。そういう授業がもっと医学部にあるべきと思います。お休みもすくなくなったとのこと。どうぞおからだご自愛くださいね。

Posted by: miki | October 25, 2008 01:31 AM

Tくん就職決定おめでとうございます(*^_^*)
母として一安心ですね。
娘としてはお母さんのこと心配だと思いますが 転院先もいいところのようでよかったですね。
友達がお年寄りの多い病院で働いていますが 家族に大切にされているお年寄りは性格がかわいいよと言ってました。
忙しいでしょうがきれいなママとの一緒の時間たくさんもてるといいですね

Posted by: Jennifer | October 26, 2008 02:34 PM

ご無沙汰してます(>_<)

実は私も叔母(父の妹)の介護(主に夕食作り)を9月から始めて毎日バタバタです^^;
毎日仕事が終わってから、方南町の叔母の家まで自転車で行き、夕食を作り、今度は自分の家の夕食作り…
手話講座は何とか通ってますが、お教室は来年は是非行きたいです!
ついに先週の土曜日に自転車でこけて前歯2本折りました(T_T)
顔がほとんど傷にならなかったのが不思議なほど…
寒くなるので、先生もお体に気をつけて下さいね

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