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September 15, 2008

9月の半ば。

残暑もそろそろ年貢の納め時でしょうか。3連休最終日、いつものようにカフェのお手伝いの行き帰り自転車に乗って、頬をなでる風はさわやかです。

今年の夏はお盆まではそれはそれは暑かったですよね。リビングの10年ものクーラー、寝室の20年ものクーラーは、16度設定にしても役に立たず、蒸し風呂状態。思い切って、買い替えましたよ。そして、取り付けたとたんに涼しくなって、がっくり。9月に入って暑さがぶりかえすと今年ばかりはうれしかった。新しいクーラーはおそうじ要らずで、エコ仕様。でも、やたらとおしゃべりで「停止しました、これからそうじします」とかもううるさいのなんの。

とんだ出費だったとため息をついていたら、なぜか今度は冷蔵庫がガーガーと耐えられない音を鳴らし始めました。え、買ったばかりでは???? そう思い込んでいたのは、私の脳内だけで、調べたらきっちりと丸9年立っていました。ここ6年ほど、忙しすぎて、時の流れを実感できたいなかった。そういえば、これを買った時は娘はまだ小学生だったはず。

仕方なく冷蔵庫も買い替え。たしかついこの間洗濯機も買い替えたはず。まるで我が家は新婚さんちのようですわ。

ピタちゃん、jennifer、mikiさん、いろいろご心配いただいて、どうもありがとう。他のお友達や生徒さんたちからもメールやお声かけをいただいて、本当に感謝しております。8月にホームに入って、病状は悪いものの、すっかりホームのスタッフになじんで、女帝風の暮らしをしていた母ですが(なんか、いろいろえらそうなんだもん)、今調子が悪くて、また入院しています。本人は一日でも早くホームに帰りたいようで、短期間なのに、『娘たちがそばにいる我が家よりホームをなつかしむ』母を見ているとありがたいやら、複雑な気持ちになるやら。今母が入院しているお部屋は昨年まで産婦人科のお部屋だったので、ピンクの壁でとてもかわいい。寝たきりの母は、病院に入ると、外界から切り離されてしまうために、乙女モードに突入していて、なにやら夢の世界のことをつぶやいています。お肌もすべすべで、自慢の二重のお目目もぱっちりでかわいくて、どうにも76には見えないよなあ・・・。ホームにおまかせで、すっかりひと月楽をしていた3姉妹は、またゼイゼイと病院通いですが、私なんか夏の疲れで、腰痛に加えて貧血だし、もしかして、見た目母よりよれよれしているかもしれない。お目目も私は父似で一重だし・・・。

夏休みが終わって平常仕事ペースになると、どうにも時間がとれなくて、母のところに行くのが大変。お見舞いに行くだけで、実質ほとんど介護をしていないわけですが、お仕事やめて、自宅で介護に専念している方たちとかもうすごいなあ、と思うばかりです。8年ぶりに8月のお教室をすべてお休みしてしまい、それだけで、いろいろとペースが狂ってしまい、介護と仕事の両立の難しさをちょっぴり実感。たとえば、母を検診で病院に連れて行くのも、介護タクシーを頼んで一日がかりなので、私には頼りになるスタッフがいるので、現場を任せて安心なのですが、これが会社勤めだったりして、そうしてきょうだいとかいなかったら、どうなるんでしょうね。病院に付き添うのもひとりではちょっと無理。車椅子押したり、薬局に行ったり、先生と話したり、と。

母をこのままたまたま連れて行った総合病院で、見てもらって、そのまま最期まで、というのでいいのか・・と夏の終わりに妹とすごく悩みました。いろいろと対応に不満もあるし、設備はちょっと古いし。女帝の母にはもっときれいな病院がいいなあ、と思うのですが、転院って本当に難しい。あれやこれや考えている最中に、また再入院の憂き目となり、まあ今度はピンクの病室だし、と気持ちをなだめているのですが、病院とのお付き合いも本当に難しいなあ。

今の救いはホームに帰れば、定期的に往診に来てくださる先生がとても素敵!ということなのですが、実は私はお会いしたことがない。竹野内豊にヒゲがついている、という噂ですが、母も妹もホームの女性スタッフもうっとり、という話で、私なんか『お母様を入院させましょう』というお電話をいただいただけでも、緊張してしまいました。母に言わせると訪問の歯科の先生もやさしくてかっこいいそうで、本当によかった。なるべく私も訪問診療の日には居合わせるようにしようっと。

最後はくだらないことを書いてしまいましたが、とりあえず秋になってのご報告。

これからまた病院に行ってきます。

帰ってから、楽しいことを書きたいと思います。

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